Of Gawky little sisters and wedding plans

My sister is getting married soon. Yes, before you raise the question let me ascertain that I had in fact advised her against it. I had shaken my head again and again and repeated a firm ‘NO’ several times. But to no avail.

That is not to suggest that I am particularly against the institution of marriage as such. As one of my wise aunts always said, “To each his/her own”. Almost all of us have our own pet fancies. Some of us like jumping off helicopters, while others get giddy when they lean out of the fifth floor window. Some won’t eat their bread untoasted while others won’t touch a loaf until it has bits of charcoal clinging to it. Some want to die in their sleep, dreaming of butterflies and such like while many others would happily be strung up by their thumbs over steaming cauldrons and lashed to their last breath. To each his/her own. If my sister wishes to perform hara-kiri by stepping into matrimony I was no one to criticize it. Instead, I decided, especially when all my protests went unheard, that I would stand in the by-lanes and clap the loudest when she finally chopped her head off.

I should have known that this was coming though. Women like my sister are born to get married. Don’t get me wrong I am sure I love her to death, but all this ninny-pinny’ing over the neighbours kids and the hanky soaking during those silly pinky movies was bound to get her nowhere. Even in school she was the first one to get a date. I, older though I was by a decent 2 years, gawked and gaped as she fluttered her eyelashes in that sickly synchronized manner of hers at the senior boys. Insane, I thought. We had after all the priviledge of the same genes and yet….and yet!!!!!

Often my friends pushed me to spy on her and learn her “trick of the trade”. To be perfectly honest, I had in fact, pried that is. But such things CANNOT be learnt don’t you know. I had secretly varnished every nail on my finger and toes with her candy coloured polish and filled every individual pore on my lips with her gloss…..and yet…sheesh….not ONE dinner request…not even so much as a blank call!!!

You know what that commercial says, maybe some girls are ‘born with it’. As I have eyed my little sister growing up faster than I can spell Indiana Jones (both in primary school and now) I have been proud and envious and snooty all at the same time. And now that she is all grown up and still as glossy and varnished she decides to get married.

Very well then, I say, at least now she’ll have to part with the trade secrets. I have my ears perked up and my pencil ready for notes.