In the Office: Fighting back black with a vengeance…Grrrrr

Exactly 7 days 10 hours and 45 minutes after I pledged my life to establishing my presence in the office room I decided it was a lost battle.
This was not to be.
It just couldn’t happen.
Trying to get my co-workers to look me in the eye and answer my questions without rolling their eyes was like asking Lindsay Lohan to make public appearances wearing underwear!

It just wouldn’t work.

After having spent hours and hours howling, reciting my sob story over the phone and sniffing like a ninny in the loo, I decided enough was enough.
Damn the job. I would snap my fingers and get a better deal just about anywhere I landed with myself, I was sure.

Nothing was going to keep me tied down.

Especially not these snotty, black suited corpo types who didn’t know their hair gloss from their serum.
Ugh, the sight of them made my stomach lurch. If it were up to me I’d spend tons tutoring them about the existence of colours unconnected to white and black. And those UGLY UGLY UGLY white lights they set this place up with…and the white tiles in the bathroom…and the grey cabinets..

And that was it.
At that very precious moment I knew what made Archimedes step out of the tub with his tush uncovered.
I knew what was ailing me, what was going wrong.
Quickly I ran to the basin and checked the mirror.

That’s it.
I looked like one of THEM. Same hair, same black clothes, same strand of pearls… Jesus! I looked like a clone of the pan-faced mannequin I sat next to!

I panicked and looked down at my feet. What was my senses coming to? Would anyone in their right COSMO mind be blind enough to settle for these hideous chunky blocks and this obnoxiously out of shape pant suit in the name of power dressing?? Why I could skip the lunch hour and step out into the next funeral home without having to displace a pin on my body!

Something had to be done and done fast, I decided.
No fancy smashmy job was going to suck out this bella donna’s colour spunk.

Next morning began earlier than usual. Ditching the office stereotypes I decided it was time I donned a dress.
In the little time I’d been pitter-pattering around the world I’d learnt, cautiously, that success often begins with that little D-word. It was time I put that learning to test.

Carefully treading the thin line between professional chic and casual I decided to stick to monochrome for the day. I’d let the dams open only gradually.

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The next 2 days I threw caution to the wind and opted for colours that ought to have sent some of my co-workers brain cells jabbering. Swiftly shifting from colour to colour I got my old groove back.

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Of course that didn’t mean I stepped over board with the rules. Despite the reckless abandon I stuck, leech like, to the basic office do’s and don’ts. Like a good girl I obeyed almost every rule in the book. For starters,

(1) No High Heels - Stilts were a complete no-no and temptingly though they blinked at me from my closet I knew running around in them would mean thousands and thousands
of feet massages and aspirins for the whole of next month. A nose-crinklingly meagre salary didn’t allow such extravagance.
Hence I stuck to chunky blocks and some dependable wedges. Trendy and comfy.

(2) No tiny clothes - Fun though they looked, the minis unfortunately fell into the thumbs-down party as did the string tanks and spaghettis. I didn’t need pervy co-cabiners peeking at me through openings here and there, I decided. (for a clue to what not to wear take a look at the lady below!)

(3) No to extra jewellery - Although jewellery was a firm thumb up I ruled against anything that was finicky, made noise, could be pulled or jerked on or could get caught in something! So technically extra bracelets, bangles, danglers etc. were out. Interesting single bracelets, small but eye-catching earrings, nice cocktail rings were all in. Grandma pearls were firmly out, unless worn with colours.

(4) No to open hair policy - Now I spent a good time thinking about this and decided letting your hair down didn’t actually need you to let you hair down. Open hair tends to encourage frequent combing, flicking, fingering, detangling and other activities I was determined to avoid during office hours. (That doesn’t however mean skipping the hair styling altogether see pics for ideas).

(5) No cakey make-up - You can’t skip the make-up routine altogether of course. But a little moisturizer, gloss, a dab of blush on and mascara is quite ENOUGH!!!

Now I won’t make your day by letting you click your tongue and scream “BS” by claiming I hit Bulls eye at the office soon after I made the switch. Truth is I didn’t last a week!
But I got the old spring in my step back, and putting that to good use I walked over to the office adjoining ours and landed a big fat job with a fatter pay check
SO how about that?